She runs around the house throwing clothes, toys and necessities into the black duffle bag her parents gave her for Christmas.
"For when you need it," her dad said, holding back tears.
The kids - Joshua and Anna - were playing outside with the dog, Bella. They had no idea they were leaving.
"This time it will be for good," she repeated to herself. "This time it will be for good."
Jack left at 5 a.m. that morning. She was awake ever since, but she couldn't do much until the kids were out of bed. She didn't want to worry them.
She knew Jack wouldn't be back until after dinner - it was 10 a.m. Now, but she still worried.
"What if he comes back and see what I'm doing," she thought. "He'll kill me. He'll kill the kids."
After stuffing the last pair of Joshua's pants into the duffle bag, she scurried into the kids' room to grab each of their "security" items - Anna's purple bunny rabbit and Joshua's robot blanket.
As she stopped at their bedroom window and watched as they played, she couldn't help but wonder if she was making the right decision.
"I didn't have dinner on the table," she muttered under her breath. "I didn't have dinner on the table. I should have it dinner on the table. It's my fault. I deserved what I got."
She shook her head, as if to forgot the bruised image in her mind. It was now or never.
The black duffle bag, filled with their entire life, sat by the door, ready to go. She slowly picked it up while taking a long, saddened glance at the home she built together with Jack.
Was this really it? Was she really going to leave it all behind.
"Yes. I have to. I have no choice," she thought to herself.
As she walked out the door, duffle bag in hand, Joshua and Anna curiously looked at her.
"What are you doing Mommy? Where are you going."
She couldn't answer. She fought back her tears as she popped the trunk of the old grey Lumina sitting in the driveway. It was the only thing in her name. She owned the old car - paid for it before they met. There was no way he could take that away from her, too.
Joshua walked up to her, pulled on her sweater and pleadingly asked, "Where are you going Mommy? Are we coming with you?"
Of course, they were going with her. They were the whole reason she was leaving. Jack could hurt her all he wanted, but when he threatened to hurt Anna, well she just couldn't bear the thought of letting that happen.
"We're going for a surprise visit to Grandma and Grandpa's," she told them as she tried to fight back her tears. But she wasn't fooling Anna. Though only seven, Anna was smart beyond her years. She knew exactly what was going on. She heard her mom's muffled cries into the pillows after dad left in the morning. She knew something was going to happen.
"Is Dad coming too?" asked Joshua, with an enthusiastic smile. She couldn't compose herself enough to answer.
"Not right now," Anna answered for her. "Maybe later. Right mom?"
"Yes, right honey."
Joshua and Anna hopped into the backseat of the car, with Bella on their heels. They couldn't leave her behind. She remembered what Jack did to her before the kids were born. She was too old to survive it again.
With one last, long glance at their home, she opened the creaking door to her car, got in and started the ignition. Tears were rolling down her face, her palms were sweaty and her heart was beating a million times a second. She had never been so scared in her life.
As she put the car into gear and backed out of the driveway, flashbacks of last night's fight took over her mind.
"She didn't need another doll," he screamed. "She has too many already. And, where did you get the money for it? You are too lazy and stupid to have a job. I know you didn't spend your money, because right, you don't have any. You spent my money you *bleeping bleep*. Do you have any idea how hard I work to put food on the table for you and those kids of yours? No, of course not because you waste it on another useless piece of crap for Anna. Maybe I should make her pay for your mistake? Huh, would you like that better. Because apparently nothing I do or say gets through to you. Well, maybe this will."
The next thing she remembers is laying on the kitchen floor. She felt like she had been hit by a train. Anna sat there next to her with tears rolling down her bruised face.
Before she made it out the driveway, she slammed on the breaks. She paused for a moment. She then put the car into drive, cruised a few feet and turned the engine off.
She sighed. If he ever found her, he'd kill her.
"I'll just try harder," she muttered to herself. "I'll just try harder."
One in four women in Saskatchewan experience abuse. They'll leave their partner several times before leaving for good. Please see the story on Envision Counselling in next week's paper for information on seeking help for abuse.
