As my gaze lingered on the family members gathered at the gravesite it wasn't just the heat of the extreme August day that flooded over me-it was the warmth of memories represented in the faces of the people; people who were the children, grandchildren and great grandchildren of this very special woman, my grandma, whose legacy is the people she loved and who loved her and now cherish her memory.
It didn't take long for our conversations to bring to mind memories of camping trips we shared, the things grandma enjoyed collecting, or the contents of her freezer which could rival any bakery. We always knew our favourites were in there and any time we visited they would soon appear on plates and be served. But it wasn't the fact that there were always chow mein cookies for me in the deep freeze or diet Coke in the fridge, or that her lefsa was unequalled. What I have thought about in the days since she has been gone is how well she knew me. It is a special relationship between grandparent and grandchild but beyond loving me I know my grandma really knew what I am about, what is important to me, and who I am.
We never lived in the same town or city-rarely were we even in the same province. But distance didn't hamper our relationship. Our time together was never taken casually. The memory at the top of my mind right now is a September evening many years ago. I was right out of university and had auditioned to be part of a music ministry team that was preparing to tour Canada and into the U.S. I was placed on a 4-girl, 3-guy team that launched a performing schedule in September. We headed west first and spent time in the Fraser Valley where my grandparents were living. One September evening I got to go to their home in Abbotsford after the concert to have a visit, get a great night's sleep, and be totally doted on by these loving people. As we sat at the dining room table and I began munching on chow mein cookies, my grandpa told me of the great conversation he had with one of the guys on my team. He commented on what a nice guy he seemed to be and so on and so on. Before I had a chance to interrupt and let him know that he was indeed a nice guy but only a friend, my grandma spoke first. "Mart", she said, (his first name was Martin), "that's not the one she's interested in. There's someone else."
I hadn't said a word to her and there had been no knowing glances exchanged across the tablebut she knew. She knew there was another guy on the team that held my heart, and she was right. And he and I just marked 25 years of marriage. I love that my grandma knew me so well that she picked up on something months before my husband and I even began dating.
For a long time now we've been told to contemplate our shrinking world. Ease of travel and an explosion of communication methods has meant that the other side of the world really isn't that far away anymore. Our grandparents waited for letters to cross the miles (or oceans) to get news of family. Today our communication options have caused us to expect instant updates and constant connection. Yet the question should be asked, "Connection to what?" Endless hours can be eaten up reading updates by people who are on the periphery of our lives while we neglect to take the time to truly talk to the people who cross our path each day. It takes little more than curiosity and a few clicks of a mouse to find out all kinds of things about people we have merely heard of, but it takes genuine commitment and real effort to really get to know the people who can make a difference in our lives. Our world may be shrinking but at the same time the divide between friends, family and neighbours will grow if we don't take the time to sit and get to know each other.
The day we said goodbye to my grandma was a day that thoroughly reflected her life; it was all about her faith, family and friends. I think she would have loved the fact that we were so sticky in the sweltering heat we couldn't help but laugh as hugs were exchanged. She would have appreciated that as we gathered we couldn't wait to get caught up with each other and find out everything that's going on in our lives--face to face.
It is a good thing we have access to information and images happening right now in places like Sierra Leone and Syria. It gives us a sense of the state of affairs on our planet and what needs to be done. But I can't let the world shrink while allowing a divide amongst those near me. I have to be sure my world is big enough to respond to what is happening in far-flung reaches, but small enough to really know the people in my life. That's my outlook.
