Moving the Oilers out of Edmonton would be like moving the Vatican to Des Moines, or Ann of Green Gables' house to Roblin, Manitoba.
It's just not natural. Weren't the Oilers responsible for the Alberta capital being called The City of Champions? Didn't they build a statue to Wayne Gretzky outside the House That Wayne Built?
Now Oilers owner Daryl Katz says he might move the Oilers to Seattle if he doesn't get a more favourable arena deal with the City of Edmonton.
Hockey blasphemy! Next thing you know, they'll be saying the Rocket's an Anglophone.
Plans have been in place for a couple of years on a new arena in downtown Edmonton but Katz, the man behind the Rexall Drugs empire, thinks civic and provincial politicians should throw a little more loot into the project before the final agreements are signed. When that suggestion got less than a lukewarm response from Edmonton mayor Stephen Mandel and Alberta Premier Alison Redford, Katz conveniently showed up in Seattle with a few business partners (and Wayne Gretzky) on the very day that Seattle city council approved construction of a $480 million sports complex.
And you thought Coffey-Messier-Gretzky-Kurri-Anderson was a powerplay!
An NHL team in Seattle would have a big battle for media attention, competing with the Seahawks, Mariners, an NBA team (TBA), soccer's Sounders and Washington Huskies of the NCAA. But if Katz got part of the arena's ownership, too, he might not care that the Oilers (or whatever their name might become) didn't sell out every game.
The Oilers have been NHL doormats for the past few seasons, but with a young nucleus of Jordan Eberle, Taylor Hall, Ryan Nugent-Hopkins and 2012 top pick Nail Yakupov, most NHL observers feel they're on the verge of something great.
If Katz were to pick up his hockey team and head for Washington, he might make a lot of money off hockey in his new United States home, but it's doubtful Katz's drugs stores would ever sell another bottle of Tylenol or a greeting card in Northern Alberta.
So here's my guess: Katz would hire Lindsay Lohan to coach the Oilers before he'd move his team out of Edmonton. It's nothing more than lockout theatrics.
R.J. Currie: "Chicago Cubs president Theo Epstein said rebuilding the team 'won't happen overnight.' Which is pretty much what owner Charles Murphy said in 1909."
Currie again: "Does Caroline Wozniacki give Rory McIlroy backhanded compliments?"
Scott Ostler of the San Francisco Chronicle, on Twitter: (@scottostler): "Has there ever been a great golfer named Mulligan? Gerry Mulligan was great sax player, but never started a song over."
Dwight Perry of the Seattle Times: "Cardinals quarterback Kevin Kolb's wife gave birth to their third child last week, an eight-pound, 11-ounce boy. To no one's surprise, replacement officials initially ruled it a girl."
Ostler, in his San Francisco Chronicle, on Tim Tebow: "One more ugly loss and (Rex) Ryan might be forced to put in Tebow at quarterback. He'll take the Jets on a playoff run, then be traded to another team that has no idea what to do with him."
Ostler again: "So glad I found that magic lantern and rubbed it! My duck hook is cured, Buster Posey is about to win the batting title, and the real NFL refs are back!"
Comedy writer Jim Barach: "The New York Knicks are on the verge of becoming the oldest team in NBA history. It's easy to spot them. They are the ones who wear their shorts up around their armpits."
Another one from R.J. Currie: "Last week's top stories are tackling by the hair in the CFL and the ongoing NHL lockout. Or, dreadlocks and deadlocks."
DJ Gallo, ESPN.com: "The 49ers have a great defence, a quotable, high-energy coach and a two-quarterback system that works. If you go to the dollar store and ask for the San Francisco 49ers, they will give you the New York Jets."
Janice Hough of LeftCoastSportsBabe.com, after Texas blew a 13-game lead and lost the AL West on the final day of the season: "The Rangers have just been declared the official baseball team of the U.S. Ryder Cup squad."
Headline at SportsPickle.com: "Crazy old man on street corner claims to have seen a winning Pirates season."
CBS baseball analyst Jon Heyman, via Twitter, with a rival team executive's take on the Dodgers: "They are a fortune 500 team. They spent a fortune to play .500."
NBC's Jay Leno: "The consensus is that Mitt Romney won the first presidential debate. The only people who thought Obama won were the replacement refs."
Comedy writer Alex Kaseberg: "A survey claims Wrigley Field is the filthiest Major League ballpark; which is surprising knowing how many times the Chicago Cubs get swept."
