聽 聽 聽 聽 聽 聽 The room grew quiet when she entered. She was convinced that the sound of laughter she had heard would mean an enjoyable break away from her office for a few minutes. But the room became suddenly and uncomfortably quiet as she stepped in. Were they talking about her? Laughing at her expense? She had no idea. But whether they were or weren't it still caused the same emotions and wounds to surface.
聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 Although the adults she now worked alongside would not have known, the professional way in which she tried to carry herself in the workplace was never too far removed from the insecurities she continued to deal with after years of jokes, teasing and gossip at her expense as a high school student.
聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 I don鈥檛 know this lady but I saw her interviewed on a news piece about adults confronting their high school nemesis. This guest shared her story and then the four girls (now adult women) who had been the cause of the pain were welcomed to the stage. As the ladies took their seats the guest was visibly shaken and anxious. Some of the women were in tears as they offered apologies, handshakes and hugs. As the woman explained how she鈥檇 never gotten over feeling like she was being talked about, her tormenters shook their heads in sadness and disbelief as they said they had no idea their gossiping caused so much pain.
聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 I began thinking back on my friends and my high school experience. Who were we in this scenario? I remember being taunted about a variety of things and shedding tears when I felt left out but I have never sought out to confront those who did that. So I wondered鈥攚ould anyone like to confront me? Did I contribute to emotional wounds that haven鈥檛 healed in someone else鈥檚 life? If I have鈥he regret is deep. The more challenging question is, 鈥淗ave I continued to do so?鈥�
聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 Gossip is that undercurrent of conversation that worries little about someone鈥檚 feelings or dignity and is most concerned with our position within the group. It makes us appear as someone who is in the know and on top of the latest information. The authenticity of the information is not nearly as important as the speed with which it can be announced to others. Researchers believe gossip has a purpose as catharsis, a form of escapism, a means of control and a tool for social acceptance. Speaking negatively about the boss for instance is seen as a way to make in-roads amongst a group of employees who do the same. In some circles it is said to be used as rungs on the ladder of social mobility or as a way to develop a positive self-image.
聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 There are a myriad of books, programs and resources aimed at helping children and teenagers understand the effects of gossip, but if we think this behaviour is confined to hallways, classrooms and playgrounds we are sadly mistaken. And whereas gossip used to be transmitted primarily face to face and ear to ear, directed at an absent third party, we now have the added element of comments posted on line鈥or all to see鈥or all time. But the focus goes far beyond teenagers. Adults from all walks of life seem to find pleasure in disseminating gossip and take delight in coffee talk, TV shows or web sites that gleefully dish the dirt. They too take to social media and engage in gossip, sometimes behind a wall of anonymity but often with their name and profile attached for all to be witness to. It may feel good at the time鈥t may give us a boost of status鈥t may gain us acceptance鈥ut at what cost? What have we paid for these short-lived feelings?
聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 We sell out our humility for status, our character for acceptance, and our credibility for social mobility. It's time to re-consider the cost and change the equation. Whether we are at our computers, on our phones, or paging through magazines; or if we are sitting in coffee rooms, waiting rooms or living rooms we need to hold our dignity in higher regard and not participate in that which uses the disparagement of others to advance our own interests. Think how much more our relationships will mean if we conduct ourselves in such a way so that no one who walks into a room has any reason to wonder. That's my outlook.
