We don't know who will win the gold medal in men's hockey at Sochi, Russia, in February, but we do know that the selection committee made terrible mistakes Jan. 7 when the team was announced.
How do we know? Thousands of people - hockey fans from Newfoundland to B.C., hockey analysts on every sports network in the country, some players who felt they got shafted by not having their name called and even the president of the social committee at a nursing home in Gimli, Man. - said Steve Yzerman and the Team Canada braintrust made some horrible personnel goofs.
No matter what happens at the Olympics, the Canadian critics will be out in full force.
If Canada's team doesn't advance to the medal round, Yzerman may as well stay in Russia and apply for political asylum.
If Canada makes the playoff round but wins a medal with either a silver or bronze tinge to it, Yzerman will be allowed back into his home country, but he will be stripped of his Team Canada duties and Canadians will be invited to throw eggs at his house for the next 12 months.
If Canada wins gold, say 7-3 over Russia in the final, the critics will say had Martin St. Louis been chosen for the team instead of Chris Kunitz, or had Carey Price started in goal instead of Roberto Luongo, our country's hockey image would have been enhanced far brighter with a six- or seven-goal victory - not a mere four.
In other words, nothing but gold - and impressive victories throughout the tournament - will vindicate Yzerman, Kevin Lowe, Mike Babcock and the others who made the difficult final choices on the Team Canada roster.
Canada's situation centres around our country's dominance in the sport. A 25-player roster was needed, but Canada has 40 or 50 potential Olympians. Our Reject Team could probably win an Olympic medal. But such is the state of hockey in Canada, similar to the Americans' Dream Team in basketball. Fans of both those teams will promise undying faith and support, win or tie.
Perish the thought that Canada doesn't win gold. All those post-selection vultures will be hovering over the carcass, eager to start pecking.
Talk about pressure!
Greg Cote of the Miami Herald: "It has come to my attention there is an LPGA player named Sandra Gal. I wonder if she ever met punter Ray Guy?"
Tom Ruprecht@truprecht on Twitter: "Just saw car with 'NYC JETS' plates drive the wrong way down one-way street. It's like God's making 'Daily News' cartoons come to life."
Cote again, writing about Dolphin fans eagerly waiting for word on personnel changes in the team's front office: "Devout Dolfans awaited the word from afar, poised to celebrate by gathering on the Town Square, now known as Twitter."
Janice Hough of leftcoastsportsbabe.com, on Miami Heat's Dwyane Wade recently becoming a father for the third time, but not with the woman he proposed to last week: "The baby was conceived while he and Gabrielle Union were on a break. Kind of explains the 8.5-carat engagement ring."
Scott Ostler of the San Francisco Chronicle: "Tim Tebow signs on as analyst on the new SEC Network. Really? The guy who comes off as a Miss America contestant explaining the need for world peace?"
My thought on Gracie Gold, an American figure skating Olympic hopeful: With a name like that, she was probably a test tube baby developed in an NBC lab.
Gene Collier of the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, in handing out his 2013 awards for mixed metaphors: "The winner of the 2013 Mixologist Medal is the ever-affable Bob Errey, who, at one point last spring, described goaltender Marc-Andre Fleury as being 'sharp as a cat.' Umm, yes. Also quick as a tack."
Brad Dickson of the Omaha World-Herald: "Johnny Manziel is headed to the NFL. Through force of habit, he wants $65 to sign his name on the contract."
Comedy writer Jim Barach: "Rory McIlroy reportedly asked permission from fiancee Caroline Wozniacki's parents before asking her to marry him. The only problem was convincing them that it really won't look that bad with the Nike swoosh prominently displayed on her wedding dress."
RJ Currie of sportsdeke.com: "According to a new study, fits of laughter can lead to fatal asthma attacks, heart ruptures and seizures. More bad news for Maple Leafs fans."
Another one from Currie: "ESPN reported Serena Williams and Maria Sharapova renewed their 'rivalry' at Brisbane. It was Sharapova's 14th straight loss to Williams. That's like calling a fly a rival to a windshield."
Dwight Perry of the Seattle Times: "According to several mock drafts, Texas A&M's 'Johnny Football' Manziel is expected to be snapped up by: a) the Cleveland Browns: b) one of the Kardashian sisters."
NBC's Jay Leno, after Russian President Vladimir Putin said Olympic protests would be allowed: "But only in a special protest zone - known as Siberia."
@PelicanPierre, via Twitter, on the state of the Bengals: "Andy Dalton tried to tell me a joke, but it went over my head."
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