Two things are evident in this sorry mess that is the National Hockey League's lockout of its players. 1. As far as finances go, you don't have to feel sorry for either side; and 2. The vast majority of fans are sick and tired of hearing about negotiations, preferring the "call me when it's over" approach.
This whole squabble is about splitting revenues. Before the Players' Association contract with the owners expired Sept. 15, players had been receiving 57 per cent of revenues. The owners thought that was too much, considering that revenues in the last couple of years have ballooned to $3.3 million.
So the owners offered the players 43 per cent, knowing full well it would spark a revolt, which it did. But it was merely a starting point in negotiations.
Eventually, the two sides will settle. Everybody knows that. Neither the owners, nor the players, want to see revenues go down to near zero, which is what will happen if no hockey is played. No tickets will be sold, no parking stalls will be filled, no hot dogs will be eaten or beer consumed, no television contracts will be honoured. Some revenue will still flow in from sales of NHL merchandise because, after all, Christmas is Christmas.
But don't feel sorry for the players if they finally settle for 47 per cent, or 48 per cent, and the owners gleefully walk away with 50-per-cent-plus of the revenues. While the players deserve to be handsomely paid, considering they are among the best 600 of their craft in the entire world, they make enormous amounts of money, astronomically in excess of an average Joe or Jane.
The average NHL player last year made $2.4 million. The average well-paid Canadian working in an office or a factory might pull in $40,000 or $50,000. Some managers might make in the $80,000 to $100,000 range. So the Canadian who has made $40,000 for most of his adult life would have to work for 60 years at that rate to accumulate $2.4 million, the average one-year NHL salary. The stars, who make $5 and $6 million per year, or more, might be asked to play 19 to 22 minutes per game. But an ordinary Canadian would have to work for 100 years at $50,000 a year to make $5 million.
So don't feel sorry for the players if they end up the 'losers' in this NHL fight. Millions of Canadians would love to 'lose' like that.
R.J. Currie of sportsdeke.com: "Elisha Cuthbert, newly engaged to Dion Phaneuf, said the hard part about dating the Leafs' blueliner is worrying he'll get hurt when he plays. Oh well, at least she can relax during the playoffs."
A final couple of 'replacement' ref quips before we forget about those three weeks the NFL would rather forget:
- Norman Chad of the Washington Post, on Twitter: "Got a replacement mechanic at Jiffy Lube last week. After changing the oil, they went under the hood, and, incredibly, changed it back."
- Somebody named Uncle Dynamite (@UncleDynamite) on Twitter: "Belichick Shoots Replacement Ref In Parking Lot After Game, Tells Police His Actions Are 'Not Reviewable."
- Justin Snyder (@JustinSnyder) on Twitter after the bizarre finish to the Monday night game between Green Bay and Seattle: "Seahawks QB Russell Wilson becomes first NFL QB to throw game winning interception.
- Late night TV funnyman Conan O'Brien: "Green Bay Packers fans are furious after a controversial call robbed the Packers of a victory. Some are calling it the worst call in NFL history, or at least since the Black Eyed Peas were invited to play the Super Bowl."
- Among the signs you're a bad referee, from CBS's David Letterman: "Missed last three calls because beer vendor was slow giving you change."
- New York Giants linebacker Mathias Kiawanuka, to Newsday, on life with NFL replacement refs: "I haven't been held this much since I was a baby."
And even though we have no hockey these days, we still have the Leafs to joke about. R.J. Currie reports that "June Blythe, 65, has regained her sense of smell after losing it in 1975. Blythe says she remembered the scent of flowers and that the Toronto Maple Leafs stink."
Greg Cote, Miami Herald: "Stanley C. Panther was laid off because of the NHL lockout. Is there any sight sadder than a fully costumed mascot at an intersection washing windshields?"
A classic from The Greatest, Muhammad Ali: "If you even dream of beating me, you'd better wake up and apologize."
Brad Dickson of the Omaha World Herald, on Nebraska's 73-7 football win: "Idaho State coaches chose to focus on the things that went right on Saturday. Well, they won the opening coin flip."
NBC's Jimmy Fallon: "A new study found that running for two minutes is just as good for you as working out for 90 minutes. That doesn't sound like a study - it sounds like something a chubby guy says after being on the treadmill for two minutes."
Dwight Perry of the Seattle Times: "Jets coach Rex Ryan thought his players would benefit from some extra rest, so he decided to bring in a sleep specialist. Hey, it was either that or make them watch six hours of Kansas City Chiefs film."
