As the stands filled with parents, friends and fans there was an air of anticipation as there usually is before a big game. Everyone knows anything can happen between the first whistle and the final buzzer.
The high school athletes demonstrated tremendous ability and played their hearts out. The spectators were supportive and encouraging--appreciating the skill and effort of the players--and expressing thanks and appreciation for the coaches, officials and volunteers who put in untold hours to provide these kinds of opportunities. At least I hope that's what happenedin some arena/gym/field somewhere. I would have liked to have been at that game that day. It's not what happened at the one I was at.
As a parent to children who have taken part in sports since they were preschoolers I, like so many, have logged countless hours sitting on bleachers cheering on teams. I, like so many, have seen great competition and shared thrilling moments with those in the stands. I, like so many, have been witness to tremendous efforts by athletes but also to unfortunate and demeaning behaviour by spectators As this particular game unfolded and a growing segment of adults ridiculed the officials and cheered the mistakes of their opponents, I couldn't help but wonder what was going through the players' minds. Were they used to it? Did they hear it? Were they intimidated by it? Was it just part of the game to them? Did any of those parents think about the kind of example they were setting?
In the hallway where this game took place were the kinds of signs posted in many public buildings and schools. Signs indicating it was a no bully zone and a place where verbal abuse would not be tolerated. I thought back to the types of comments that had been levelled during the game, particularly toward the officials. How sad that adults had treated adults that way--in front of their very own children.
The statistics surrounding bullying in Canadian schools are staggering. Teachers across the country ranked cyber-bullying as their issue of highest concern out of six listed options, with 89 per cent of them saying bullying and violence are serious problems in our schools. In response, they have been engaged and proactive. Students attend assemblies, wear pink shirts, create poster campaigns, have group discussions, are encouraged to come forward if they have been bullied or have witnessed bullying, and are given tools to keep them safe on-line.
But bullying is not just contained within school walls and is certainly not something we can sit back and think that as long as educators are talking about it, that's good enough. This is not an issue for schools alone--it is an issue for everyone who is concerned about the social climate in which we live.
Attend a conference where the question of adult bullying is raised, or think about the ways adults treat each other in social media, or read an action plan on dealing with bullying in the workplace and it's evident that the methods or geography might changebut the behaviours and the intent sadly carry on.
What's going on? What happens in someone's thought process to make it okay to belittle, demean, spread lies about, or throw a fist toward another human being? What has gone wrong that someone can type hateful, hurtful things and decide it's something everyone should read on-line? Behavioural scientists disagree on the effectiveness of anti-bullying programs. It's important they keep studying and reporting their findings. But I contend even more important is what you or I can do about it.
Regardless of who we are or what we are doing, the way in which carry ourselves has a measurable impact on those around us. The tone of our voice, the body language we employ, and the words we use when things aren't going as we feel they should send a message that makes others feel respected and valued or ignored and rejected. And that--right there--has an impact on how they are going to treat the next person. It's either drops of disdainor ripples of respect. The impact is cumulative, long-lastingand not to be forgottenseen by others. So whether we are cheering from the stands, waiting as our groceries are being bagged or talking about a neighbour, we are being observed and others are getting their cues from us. Bullying is a complex, complicated issue impacted by familial, education, socio and economic variables. Much has been done--much has yet to be done. But at the heart of our human interaction is a need for validation, consideration and respect. Those are anti-bullying measures we can all take part in. That's my outlook.
