We were heading to the airport and listening in disbelief as the story was unfolding on the radio. While we were on our way to await the arrival of our 20-month old daughter from Romania, parents were hurrying to Columbine High School in Colorado waiting to see if their sons and daughters had survived the shootings inside. We were filled with such emotion and excitement at the thought of our new life with this precious child. They were filled with such horror and grief at the ending of lives of their precious children.
It has been15 years since that day; 15 years of my husband and I watching our beautiful daughter learn to walk, talk, sing, cook, play sports, go to high school, grow and mature-and 15 years of parents left to grieve and cling to the memory of milestones of the past since there would be no new ones in the future.
The survivors in the school that day have carried scars for a decade and a half now. Some of them speak about their experiences, others choose not to. But they share much in common. In the years as they were graduating from high school, attending college, getting marriedthey continued to carry the scars. The sound of an alarm startles in a way we can't comprehend. The smell of food similar to what was served in the cafeteria that day brings an onslaught of unexpected pain. The news of shootings in other schools---and there have been many-cause waves of unwanted emotion.
They have responded in different ways. Some have started support groups and victims' advocacy organizations. Some travel to the scene of similar incidents to provide support to children and families. Some chose professions that put them in crisis response situations. Some lobby for gun laws; some for school security systems.
Columbine wasn't the first school shooting. Not by any means. Tragically it's not the deadliest either. There have been so many shootings that news agencies struggle deciding what, and how much, to report so as not to make household names out of the shooters. But enough time has passed that there has been a tremendous amount of study and analysis of what happened at Columbine. Those involved say lessons were learned.
Different strategies are now used by emergency response teams, new procedures for communication between law enforcement agencies was established, administrative officials examined what is placed in emergency boxes in school offices, protocols were established regarding how to unite community agencies in critical emergencies, and more is now known about what is helpful in terms of long-term impact. What comes across over and over in the research and interviews is the crucial role the expression of care of one human being for another plays in the recovery process. A paramedic who bandaged injured students that day talked about how much it meant when friends called to ask him how he was doing after being part of the response team. Families waiting for word on their children were assigned a victim's advocate to stay with them and it gave them someone to ask questions of and a voice when they didn't have words. A wounded student recalls a hospital visit by a school administrator. A volunteer remembers the restaurant owner who brought in pots of coffee and trays of food. Messages were coming in from across the country and around the world and some later described it all as a "warm blanket of comfort" covering them.
Thinking about the number of critical emergencies that have occurred as a result of violence in just the last number of years is numbing. Add to that the heartache and devastation of natural disasters and tragic accidents, and the needs of our fellow human beings seem overwhelming. But that's where lessons learned from tragedy can provide a source of hope. What did people talk about being grateful for years after Columbine? A phone call. A pot of coffee. A visit. Someone to listen. As one counsellor from Colorado's Jefferson County School District said, "There is no healing element like that of one heart reaching out to another. It can heal a heart in ways that no bandage or ointment could ever heal. We really do need each other."
In a world where tragedy and violence can leave us feeling cold, there are efforts that can be undertaken to let victims, survivors and their families know that when they wake up tomorrow and remember their life has been forever changed, they will not have to face the new reality alone. My efforts and yours, and how we reach out to one another can be seen as our way of adding a stitch to a warm blanket of comfort. That's my outlook.
