听 听 听 听 听 听 鈥淩ichard Wagamese wrote: 'All that we are is story. From the moment we are born to the time we continue on our spirit journey, we are involved in the creation of the story of our time here. It is what we arrive with. It is all we leave behind. We are not the things we accumulate. We are not the things we deem important. We are story. All of us. What comes to matter then is the creation of the best possible story we can while we're here: you, me, us together. When we can do that and we take the time to share those stories with each other, we get bigger inside, we see each other, we recognize our kinship- we change the world, one story at a time.'鈥�
听听听听听听听听听听听 鈥淛ames Joyce leaves off his book Finnegan's Wake in mid-sentence, without punctuation or explanation. It's how my Beloved ended his big life.鈥�
听听听听听听听听听听听 鈥淭he last book he ordered came two days after he died. The list he made for spring cleanup had no check marks. He was ready to die at any time, but he acted like his story had many more chapters.鈥�
听听听听听听听听听听听 鈥淚 am in a room with over 450 stories being lived out with courage, joy, fear, eagerness, boredom, anger, contentment, exhaustion, anticipation, reluctance, despair, regret, gratefulness, hope. Hope.鈥�
听听听听听听听听听听听 鈥淢y own story with its cancer chapter is part of the larger tale of life with my Beloved, Don Shakotko. He died April, 15, 2015. And before that, he and I had a grand adventure together. When Nicole Currie and Darlene Olsen asked me if I would be the speaker for this year's Creative Tables, I said 'yes', and then I immediately regretted it.鈥�
听听听听听听听听听听听 鈥淲hat could I possibly say to these lovelies?鈥�
听听听听听听听听听听听 鈥淚 haven't had cancer. Everyone's grief is their own. Someone else would be better. I am just me. With my own story.鈥�
听听听听听听听听听听听 鈥淏ut that's just it, isn't it? We, each of us, have our own story, and so I will tell you a bit of mine, and hopefully around your tables tonight and in your vehicles as you came and as you will go home, you will have had a chance to listen to other people's stories and speak your own as well. And in that way, we will be bigger inside and stronger.鈥�
听听听听听听听听听听听 鈥淩obert Fulghum wrote a book back in 1986 called All I Really Needed to Know I Learned in Kindergarten. He came up with this now-famous list after years of writing an annual personal statement of belief: a credo. It got longer and longer every year when he was young, and then started to grow shorter the older he got, until he realized that he already knew most of what's necessary to live a meaningful life- that it isn't all that complicated. Living it is the hard part. And so, with acknowledgement to Mr. Fulghum, I offer you my version of his credo: All I really know about how to live and what to do and how to be, I learned from my dying听 husband.鈥�
听听听听听听听听听听听 鈥淭hese are the things I learned:
Never underestimate the power of a warm sheet.
Sometimes the best meal is ice cream.
Always be willing to teach- be of use.
Go outside every chance you get.
There is a place for sadness and tears, but there is also a place for joy and laughter.
Share your treats.
Think and be intentional about what you are leaving behind.
Forgive and ask for forgiveness.
Be interested in everything.
Know that the adventure doesn't end here.
Ask for help.
Wear feathers every chance you get.
Always say please and thank you.
Pot honey in your tea will help you sleep better.
Let go of the things you have no control over.
Choose. It's what makes us human.
Tell people what you need and want.
Have the best sound system money and space will allow and listen to your favourite music.
Smile.
Sleep whenever you can.
Be a champion of the underdog- there is always someone worse off than you.
Pay close attention to your tears.
Hold hands.
Don't take yourself too seriously.
Take your place with grace and then be on your way.
Sing, no matter what you sound like. Walking for me is a way for me to sing in the dark. To sing in the dark is more than just to try to convince yourself that dark is not all there is. It is also to remind yourself that dark is not all there is or the end of all there is, because even in the dark, there is hope. Even in the dark, you can sing- sing through the dark.鈥�
听听听听听听听听听听听 鈥淚f Don were to tell us one thing tonight, he would say: 'Pay attention; listen to your life.'鈥�
听听听听听听听听听听听 鈥�Our stories unfold. Day by day, year by year, your own story unfolds, your life's story. Things happen. People come and go. The scene shifts. Time runs by, runs out. Maybe it is all utterly meaningless. Maybe it is all utterly meaningful. If you want to know which, pay attention. What it means to be truly human in a world that half the time we are in love with and half the time scares the hell out of us- is to see our life for the fathomless mystery that it is. In the boredom and pain of it no less than in the excitement and gladness: touch, taste, smell your way to the holy and hidden heart of your life because all moments are key moments and life itself is grace.鈥�
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