Humans are genetically programmed to look for facial and behavioural cues and to quickly understand their meaning. We see someone gesture and automatically make a judgment about the intention behind it.
And we’ve been doing this for a long time. As a species, we knew how to win friends and influence people—or avoid, placate or confront those we couldn’t befriend—long before we knew how to use words.
But our ancient ancestors faced threats and challenges very different from those of today’s modern society. Life is more complex now, with layers of social restrictions and nuanced meanings adding to the intricacies of our interpersonal dealings. This is especially true in workplace settings, where corporate culture adds its own complexities and unique guidelines for appropriate behaviour.
No matter the culture at your workplace, the ability to “read” non-verbal signals can provide significant advantages in dealing with people. You can start to gain those advantages by avoiding these five common mistakes when interpreting body language:
- Forgetting to consider the context
Imagine this scene: It’s a freezing winter evening with light snow falling and a north wind blowing. You see a woman sitting on a bench at a bus stop. Her head is down, her eyes are tightly closed, and she’s hunched over, shivering slightly and hugging herself.
Now the scene changes.
It’s the same woman in the same physical position. But instead of sitting outdoors on a bench, she’s seated behind her desk in the office next to yours. Her body language is identical—head down, eyes closed, hunched over, shivering, hugging herself. The non-verbal signals are the same, but the new setting has altered your perception. In a flash, she’s gone from telling you, “I’m really cold!” to “I’m in distress.”
Clearly, the meaning of non-verbal communication changes as the context changes. We can’t begin to understand someone’s behaviour without considering the circumstances in which it occurred.
- Trying to find meaning in a single gesture
Non-verbal cues occur in what is called a “gesture cluster”—a group of movements, postures and actions that reinforce a common point. A single gesture can have several meanings or mean nothing at all (sometimes a cigar is just a cigar), but when coupled with other non-verbal signals, the meaning becomes clearer.
For example, a person may cross her arms for any number of reasons. But when that action is paired with a scowl, a headshake and legs turned away from you, you now have a composite picture suggesting she is resistant to whatever you just proposed.
- Focusing too much on what is being said
If you only hear what people are saying, you’ll miss what they really mean.
A manager I was coaching appeared calm and reasonable as she listed reasons for delegating more responsibility to her staff. But every time she expressed these opinions, she also (almost imperceptibly) shuddered. While her words declared her intention of empowering employees, the quick, involuntary shudder was saying loud and clear, “I really don’t want to do this!”
- Not knowing a person’s baseline
You need to know how a person typically behaves to spot meaningful deviations.
Here’s what can happen when you don’t: A few years ago, I gave a presentation to the CEO of a financial services company, outlining a speech I was scheduled to deliver to his leadership team the next day. And it wasn’t going well.
Our meeting lasted almost an hour, and the CEO sat at the conference table with his arms tightly crossed. He didn’t smile, lean forward or nod encouragement. When I finished, he said thank you (without making eye contact) and left the room.
As a body language expert, I was sure his non-verbal communication signalled that my speaking engagement would be cancelled. But when I walked to the elevator, the executive’s assistant came to tell me how impressed her boss had been with my presentation. I was shocked and asked how he would have reacted had he not liked it. “Oh,” said the assistant, her smile acknowledging she’d seen that reaction before. “He would have gotten up in the middle of your presentation and walked out!”
The only non-verbal signals I had received from that CEO were ones I judged to be negative. What I didn’t realize was that, for this individual, this was normal behaviour.
- Judging body language through the bias of one’s own culture
When we talk about culture, we’re generally referring to a set of shared values that a group of people holds. While some values are taught explicitly, most are absorbed subconsciously at an early age. Such values shape how people think and act and, more importantly, the criteria by which they judge others. Cultural norms dictate which non-verbal behaviours are seen as normal and right, and which are perceived as strange or wrong. From greetings to hand gestures to the use of space and touch, what’s acceptable in one culture may be ineffective—or even offensive—in another.
For example, in North America, waving hello and goodbye is done with the palm out, fingers extended, and the hand moving side to side. But that same gesture means “no” throughout Mediterranean Europe and Latin America. In Peru, it means “come here.” In Greece, where it’s called the moutza, the gesture is a serious insult. The closer the hand is to another person’s face, in fact, the more threatening it is considered to be.
So just remember: Body language cues are undeniable. But to accurately decode them, they must be understood in context, viewed in clusters, evaluated in relation to what is being said, assessed for consistency and filtered for cultural influences. If you do so, you’ll be well on your way to gaining the non-verbal advantage.
Dr. Carol Kinsey Goman is an expert in nonverbal communication, body language, and leadership presence. She is a speaker, author, and executive coach who works with business leaders and organizations to improve their communication and leadership skills. Goman has written several books, including , which explores how nonverbal cues impact leadership effectiveness. With a background in psychology, she combines research in neuroscience with practical insights to help leaders understand the power of body language in building trust, influencing others, and fostering collaboration.
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