It was at the end of Sparks that I knew something was up. As Katrina came out, she ran up to me and half-jokingly threw her pink sash at me. I found that was quite rude and scolded her for it. But what was more telling was that she didn't want to pick it up.
In the truck, I found out what was wrong. It was one of those moments parents dread, when they see their own lives flash back before their eyes as painful memories resurface. Their lives are being relived by their children.
Katrina opened up and let it all out.
"Nobody wants to play with me at school!" said my little six-year-old through tears. "I don't have any friends! The kids don't like my name! They make fun of my name!
"My family hates me! Mommy doesn't like me! Spencer doesn't like me!
"No one likes me at Sparks!"
Oh boy, I thought. This is not good.
"Who do you play with at school?" I asked.
"No one! I play by myself in the snow," she responded.
Some of the boys pick on her, and at least at this time, some of the girls were telling her, "We don't want to play with you."
The sash-throwing was more than a joke. It was a cry for attention.
That evening my wife sat down with Katrina and had one of most endearing heart-to-heart talks I've seen. Michelle talked about her own difficulties in school, and how it's not easy to make friends or be friends with everyone. Katrina sat in her mommy's arms for five minutes afterwards. It seemed to help.
I moved just once as a child, when my parents split when I was 10. It was difficult to make new friends. Indeed, I spent many a lunch hour sitting by myself over the next several years. So hearing my daughter start to have similar problems broke my heart.
Katrina is basically starting with a clean slate, having moved before she started pre-kindergarten. Yet we can see the cliques already starting to form.
I put some of the blame on us, the parents. We don't really get out much. Despite being in this town for over two years, we really don't know anyone. Part of that is due to my off-hours work doing photography, the other part is my wife's shift work. Activities like hockey, which some of the neighbour girls play, simply won't work for us due to weekend games. It was a struggle over the last year to do swimming lessons and the brief soccer season. Yet it is at precisely these sort of extra-curricular activities where kids form friendships.
Maybe we need to invite kids over more often? Get more involved with church activities? I don't know. I realize this is all part of growing up, but I wish to spare my little girl at least some of the heartache my wife and I both endured as kids.
This is a universal condition, I'm sure. It's the plot behind every teenage movie, because everyone feels like an outsider. Just once, it would be nice to be on the inside, if not for me, for my kid.
Brian Zinchuk is editor of Pipeline News. He can be reached at [email protected].
