Not even the drunkest kayak owner in the bay area ever assumed the Giants would play for all the marbles in November and that they'd be paddling around in the teeming waters of the Pacific waiting for missile shots from a third baseman called the Kung Fu Panda.
The guy who was not struggling to stay afloat in his plastic ocean kayak is the Giant's lefthander Barry Zito, whowas watching the action from his $3 million yacht because his curve ball is so crappy that the Giants not only didn't put him on the post-season roster, they won't even let him in the dugout.
The Giants also pay Aaron Rowand a king's ransom to watch some no-name centre fielder steal his thunder. Is their management team smoking something that interferes with their judgment of talent?
It is California, after all, where you can get medical pot for anything from poor eyesight to a batting slump. I wonder if it would help my problems with punctuation and grammar?
Both Texas and the Giants sport among the game's finest bullpens and San Francisco has a solid rotation, but when you put the Rangers under the microscope - after Cliff Lee it appears, on paper, most of their starters belong in the Highway 48 Senior League. I do however humbly admit that I erroneously left a certain Texas rookie off of my projections for post-season awards and if Neftali Feliz does not cart off the trophy for Rookie of the Year then it's only because the engraver couldn't spell his name properly.
The Rangers fielded a well-rounded team loaded with sluggers and enough speed to keep Buster Posey awake at night.
Once Josh Hamilton put his drug and alcohol issues behind him, all that was left was nine million tattoos and maybe the best power stroke in the business. Sadly, he stunk during the point in the series when the Rangers needed him most. There is no relation there by the way and, no, I don't have any zany ink doodles to desecrate my smooth unblemished epidermis or any needle marks on my chiseled biceps.
I wish I could also say the demons hiding in those cider cans do not call my name out with alarming regularity, but it's a Hamilton curse, I suppose.
Last year, I wrote an article on the MLB's long list of fabulous power hitting second basemen including the Rangers Ian Kinsler. The Rangershad a good nucleus. Vladamir Guererro plays right field like he had spent a few hours too close to the punch bowl, but the old guy can still rake the ball all over the park. When Nelson Cruz strides into a fastball they tend to leave the bleachers like a stunt man shot out of a cannon. Third baseman Michael Young is still a marvelous talent and Molina guns down base stealers like a gunfighter in Deadwood and throws in the occasional timely hit as well. Shortstop Elvis Andrus has hair exactly like mine if I haven't showered and washed in 10 days. He gets away with it because of his slick glove. The Odessa folk look at me like I'm criminally insane from being cooped up too long writing this stuff. The other difference is his afro is so thick he could probably go without a batting helmet while my thinning cranial zone requires name brand sun screen, even in the winter.
The Giants have a history of hall of famers, but that was when they played in New York. The few living players remotely connected to the Giants last tasted the bubbly back in '54 when they swept the Cleveland Indians. Since their move to the west coast, they have managed four pennants, but zero post-season success. The Rangers have no history at all other than the mystical presence of their new owner Nolan Ryan. He took the reigns recently after the league owned and operated the club after their last owner, Tom Hicks, finally succumbed to madness after he signed A-Rod to a contract fit for a president.
On that note, George Bush was at one time the Ranger'smanaging partner until duty called for him to begin invading Middle Eastern countries like he was looting Harlem. Speaking of theft, while Bush was in charge he milked the Arlington citizens for nearly $200 million for a new park - crooked as Nixon, but smarter than he looked.
This explains a lot of their futility. Back in '94 when they were in line for their first pennant, Bud Selig cancelled the regular season when they locked out the MLB players union.Call it God's will or maybe, better yet, call it greed.
Bad luck and a combination of facing the Yankees every time they did make the post-season didn't help andif these challenges weren't enough, they also chose to hire a soft spoken coke fiend for a manager whose taste for drugs was only exceeded by Hamilton's hobbies. They have managed to employ such stars as Juan Gonzalez and Mark Teixeira, but bad trades and the success of the Oakland franchise have kept them on the sideline for too long.
And now they had to face The Freak. Lincecum, a long-hired string bean, out-pitched Halladay and Lee. I feel bad for Nolan Ryan, but the truth be known, Ryan could likely still strike out a 300 pound panda bear.
In the meantime, Bravo to the Giants who have a wealth of young pitching and might be a factor in 2011, if they can shed some useless payroll.
Edgar Renteria took the series MVP as he approaches old age security. I wonder if Barry Zito will get a ring or will they make him pay for everyone else's rings? It'll go down in history as the first World Series to be won by not pitching your $18.5 million starter.
