聽 聽 聽 聽 聽 聽 June 21 was an interesting day.
聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 National Aboriginal Day got renamed National Indigenous Peoples Day. It was the longest day of the year.
聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 The weather was beautiful; the sun was shining. In a few days, Canada will celebrate its 150th birthday.
聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 But for me, it was an ominous, yet important anniversary. Five years ago on that day, I checked into the Regina General Hospital cardiac care unit, and later that night, I started showing the signs in my bloodwork of a pending heart attack.
聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 The next morning, Dr. George Garbe and Dr. Jeff Booker performed an angiogram and angioplasty, opening up a blockage that was something like 99 per cent in the largest artery in my heart.
聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 When all was said and done, there was damage to my heart, but thankfully, they caught it in time.聽
聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 My late sister Melanie, a registered nurse, took a copy of my heart scans to her friend, a cardiologist in Saskatoon. One look at that and that cardiologist said I had a 鈥渨idowmaker鈥� in my chest. I guess being diabetic for 25 years to that point will do that to you. I was 37.
Thankfully, my wife, Michelle, is not a widow just yet.
聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 Curiously, Dr. Booker was featured in the LeaderPost a day before my anniversary. Dr. Booker just got funding to perform a new heart procedure within Saskatchewan. Seeing the story online brought back a flood of memories.
聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 I鈥檝e written about that scary time before. But I haven鈥檛 written much about what goes through your head, afterwards.
聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 I鈥檝e always had a hard time going to bed. Rarely do I ever crawl into bed before midnight, and often much later.
聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 But in the months after I got out of the hospital, there was another reason. I couldn鈥檛 get the thought out of my head that I wouldn鈥檛 wake up. How could I sleep, if today might be the last day?
聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 For the first few weeks, I couldn鈥檛 walk down the street half a block to get my mail, and back, without needing a two-hour nap afterward. I most definitely had heart damage, as Dr. Garbe explained.
聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 Slowly over the years my strength returned, and I don鈥檛 get nearly as winded, today, as I did even two years ago. I鈥檓 nowhere near my earlier strength and endurance, but I鈥檓 not bad.
聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 One of the things Dr. Garbe explained, when asked about my fear of bringing on a second, fatal, heart attack, was that hard exercise would most likely be the trigger if that were to ever happen.
聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 As a result, I have hardly worked up a sweat in five years. Maybe I could? I鈥檓 a lot better now. But there鈥檚 an underlying fear that if I push myself, that鈥檒l be it, so I don鈥檛. Join a gym? I don鈥檛 think so.
聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 This past year, I haven鈥檛 been getting nearly as much exercise as I should be. For me, that means walking. I鈥檝e also found that a 鈥渉eart healthy鈥� diet is next to impossible to follow when you are eating out.
聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 There might be one or two items on a menu, and that鈥檚 about it. It鈥檚 hard not to think, 鈥淲ill this be the burger that kills me? Will it be a Teenburger or Big Mac?鈥�
聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 To this day, I still wonder if this will be the last time I hug my kids, or go to their ball game, or kiss my wife. While my own sense of mortality is not nearly as ever-present as it was in the first two years, it lingers; always, everywhere.
聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 I鈥檝e found myself trying to impart as much fatherly wisdom on my kids now, probably earlier than one would otherwise, because I鈥檝e always got that thought that there might not be time to do it later. I鈥檓 also trying to do this as much as possible before the hellish teenage years cause strife. Right now, my kids still like me.
聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 But I keep thinking my kids could have lost their dad at ages five and eight. And that thought is never far from my mind.
聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 It gnaws at me when I yell at them, for the sixth time, to come for supper, or to clean their rooms. Why am I yelling? (Because they didn鈥檛 listen the first five, increasingly vocal, times). Don鈥檛 they know that I鈥檓 always thinking that I might not have been here to tell them to come for supper?
聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 Two years ago, Melanie committed suicide. Didn鈥檛 she know I was supposed to go, not her?
聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 In the days after I had my angioplasty, my neighbour at the time told me he had a heart attack 27 years before. He was putting his golf clubs in his SUV for another 18 holes. That, more than anything, gave me hope that tomorrow won鈥檛 be the end, and neither will Tuesday. (Don鈥檛 ask me that on any given Monday, however.)
聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 If Ed could make it another 27 years, hopefully, I will, too. 聽
