The Preacher has officiated at numerous marriage ceremonies and counseled countless couples in crisis. But his biggest accomplishment may be that he's remained married to me for so long.
"Happy thirty-sixth anniversary!" we said to each other earlier this year. I can't remember which of us added, "Here's to thirty good ones!" I'm just thankful that we survived the half-dozen years (or thereabouts) that didn't make the count.
Someone once asked the wife of evangelist Billy Graham if she'd ever considered divorcing her famous husband. "No," Ruth Graham answered, "I've never thought of divorce in all these 35 years of marriage. But I did think of murder a few times."
I know that feeling. Despite all our best efforts, we spouses remain human. Every marriage includes days when you'd just as soon kick each other as kiss each other - sometimes days upon days.
It's humiliating to seek for help when a marriage is failing, especially for people of faith. That's likely why a long-married couple in one of our churches showed up one Sunday holding hands, but by mid-week, they had headed for the divorce courts.
A study done a few years ago reported that Christian marriages are cracking apart more frequently than marriages of people who claim no religion at all. One marriage expert says those high stats may not be in spite of our faith - they're likely because of our faith - or rather the theology behind it.
Mark Gungor addresses thousands of couples in his seminars "Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage." But this pastor/comedian/marriage expert is serious about the importance of one thing: "Your marriage reflects your theology and your faith. If you can't live it at home, you can't live it. If your relationship is suffering, if it stinks, check your thinking."
He's talking about the common (and unbiblical) belief that since God loves us just the way we are, we should expect and offer that same kind of love in our marriage. That's just plain bad theology, he says, one that translates to a climate of, "no requirements, no consequences, and no conditions." And that, he explains, makes for a hellish relationship. "The worst marriages on earth are those (where) one or both spouses buy into this broken thinking."
Gungor maintains that fixing our theology can correct our marriages. A biblically correct theology teaches that God loves us IN SPITE of the way we are. As our relationship with him and our knowledge of him grows, he expects (and assists) us to change. Tossing selfish and sinful behavior is as essential to maintaining a marriage as it is to maintaining a solid faith, the marriage expert says.
Contemplating divorce? (Perhaps considering murder?) Fix your theology instead - and watch the channels of communication and compromise begin to unclog.
Read Mark Gungor's blog posting on this subject at his website: http://www.laughyourway.com/blog/bad-theology-bad-marriage/
