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Magazines are like an ex that won’t let go

Column by Brian Zinchuk

            For Christmas of 2014, I had a nice little idea. With the intention of getting the kids to read more, I bought them each a magazine subscription. For Katrina, it was National Geographic. For Spencer, it was National Geographic Kids.

            And hopefully, they would spend the year reading.

            Well, it kind of worked. Spencer enjoyed his NGK, but Katrina, well, I don’t know if she read one issue. But that’s okay, because I enjoy National Geographic.

            Indeed, at the same time I ordered National Geographic, I figured, “You know, I used to really enjoy Popular Mechanics, but never had a subscription. I should get one.”

            And so I did.

            I’m an adult now. I can do that.

            And in doing so, it prompted me to consider another subscription, to Car and Driver. As a red-blooded, car-crazed, ’67 Buick-driving teenager, I had a subscription to Car and Driver. It was filled with cars I could never, ever afford, but hey, they looked shiny. Click – bought that one. Then it suggested Road & Track – even more shiny cars I will never, ever afford. Click – bought that one too. Then I figured I better stop buying magazines before I go broke. Adult sensibility kicked in.

            A month later, my mailbox started to fill. Instead of just numerous bank statements and utility bills, I started getting literature! Wow!

            A year later, I had hardly flipped through, never mind read, any of it except for the occasional Popular Mechanics and National Geographic. National Geographic and NGK got renewed, the rest didn’t.

            It turns out my interests have changed since I was a teenager. Sexy fast cars just don’t turn my crank they way they once did. Spencer picked up one copy of Car and Driver, flipped through it in about 30 seconds, was somewhat impressed, and put it down again. And that was the end of that.

            I wonder if it’s my changing interests, or the format. I read dozens of online pieces a day, largely to keep abreast of the oil business, but other fields of interest as well. This includes photography.

            I used to get four different photography magazines a month – Digital Photo Pro, Shutterbug, PDN and Rangefinder. I used to read almost every article. But after a few years I found there was next to nothing new in these magazines – for me, at least. I could almost predict word-for-word what the article would say, based on the headline. “New Canon camera! Has more megapixels, better low-light performance!”

            A larger part of that comes from me getting close to the point of “mastering my craft.” As in, there’s very little in the way of technique in these magazines that I don’t know or can’t figure out. That’s not from having a big head, it’s just when you’ve done photography long enough, you eventually get the hang of it. It’s not brain surgery.

            Getting to that point, I greatly benefited for reading all these magazines. But now it’s mostly, “Meh.”

            Magazines, however, are like the ex-girlfriend who will not let go. Many months before the subscriptions were set to expire, the renewal notices started coming in the mail. Now that they expired about three months ago, I am still getting notices. In the past couple days, three months after my subscription ended, Road & Track sent me an addressed “admail” letter with “Invoice enclosed” on the front. Invoice for what? I never renewed.

            The Popular Mechanics’ letter says, “Dated materials enclosed.”

            It never ends. I think they spend more on postage sending me renewal notices long before and long after my one-year subscription ended, than they spent on mailing the magazines themselves.

            “We must advise you that your order for Popular Mechanics remains unpaid.             Unfortunately, we will have to discontinue your service if you do not pay immediately.”

            That’s funny, I never renewed. How do I owe you money?

            Similarly, Road & Track thanked me for my subscription, sent me an invoice, and said my payment is now due.

            I’m sorry, dear. It was fun while it lasted, but I’m just not that into you anymore Road & Track, Car and Driver and Popular Mechanics. Have a nice life. Go away now.

            You’re like a clingy ex that won’t let go.

            Shoo! And leave my mailbox to the bank statements and National Geographic.

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