Author Jesse Thistle鈥檚 life has been difficult, but he wants to use it to show problems that go beyond himself. His book From The Ashes: My Story of Being M茅tis, Homeless and Finding My Way, recounts his life, from a difficult childhood and abuse, through drug addiction and homelessness, into the present, where he is a Trudeau Scholar, researcher, Assistant Professor in M茅tis Studies at York University in Toronto and the National Representative for Indigenous Homelessness for the Canadian Observatory on Homelessness. He spoke via Zoom at the Yorkton Public Library鈥檚 recent Book Talk.
The book recounts Thistle鈥檚 life and experience, but he said it鈥檚 about more than that.
鈥淚 really wanted it to be a testimonial to what institutions do to Indigenous people. Institutions like [Children鈥檚 Aid Society], courts, the justice systems, our homeless sector. All of these, and more, I came in contact with. I didn鈥檛 really come out of it unscathed. They didn鈥檛 really work the same for me as they did the rest of the population, so I wanted to show that. To show that I needed to be frank and honest, not pull punches and show what it鈥檚 like,鈥� said Thistle.
The goal is not only to recount his life, but to educate people on what different institutions can do to people like him, people who are from an Indigenous background.
鈥淭hey will say 鈥渋t鈥檚 the different institutions and apparati of colonialism that have suppressed our Indigenous people鈥� but they don鈥檛 actually give you anything specific. I did the exact opposite. I showed you specific moments of racism, of state care not working, of the courts suspecting me as a murder suspect when I did the right thing as a young Native man, and how they just don鈥檛 work for us, they don鈥檛 work in the same way. On top of that, I showed how colonialism, and the various arms of it, feel. What it feels like to go through CAS as a kid who is scooped from their home, and end up in a different city where there鈥檚 no explanation as to why we are where we are, why my mom and dad aren鈥檛 around. I tried to show that, I think it鈥檚 more impactful than me trying to lecture on the issue of colonialism and different things that impact us. I鈥檓 just going to show you my journey.鈥�
An example of this is what happened after he was scooped from his dad鈥檚 care. He ended up being raised by his white grandparents, instead of by his M茅tis mother in Saskatoon. While the book doesn鈥檛 explain this, he wants the reader to wonder why they didn鈥檛 send him to his mother.
鈥淭hey made the decision that I would be safer far off in a different province, far from my family, rather than living with my mom.鈥�
A major part of the book deals with identity, specifically Thistle鈥檚 identity as a M茅tis man from the road allowance communities near Prince Albert. He said it took him until his mid-30s to understand and become proud of his history, but that it was that which helped him overcome his addictions and helped him build his career.
鈥淲e鈥檙e actually Michif resistance fighters who stood up what they believed in, and fought right to the end. I鈥檓 damn proud of that, I鈥檓 damn proud of families who stood up for what they believed in and fought for their land and territory鈥� Me connecting with my heritage was actually going back and really unearthing what happened to my ancestors as well as deconstructing the myths that are in Canadian public history about the M茅tis and the Cree. Through that process I became very proud of who I am,鈥� Thistle said.
鈥淎ll of the imagery that鈥檚 given to us about Indigeneity or Indigenous men or women is all negative. They鈥檙e all stereotypical caricatures of what an Indigenous person is. Either we鈥檙e drunk or criminal, we鈥檙e thieves, all of these things. Because I didn鈥檛 have any positive person there to show me what being Indigenous was, I absorbed all of these negative stereotypes that were around me. I picked them up, almost like pieces, and built myself an identity that was almost framed around a toxic warrior identity. It was like a bricolage, a Frankenstein identity鈥� It鈥檚 no wonder I ended up living out all of these stereotypes in real life, because I had internalized them growing up. So, to get better, I had to undo those stereotypes, and replace them with what I know now about Indigeneity, that I learned through school and research. It was really central to getting better, living a sober life, and contributing in a good way.鈥�
A memoir that tracks both Thistle鈥檚 childhood and his life through addictions, he had to research himself, looking through old records and talking to family to help reconstruct his life.
鈥淚 had to go back and look at my full RCMP record, court records, I had to go back and talk to my probation officer. I didn鈥檛 like the person that I saw, I鈥檒l tell you that. So much time and distance had passed from my old life鈥� A lot of it was different from how I remembered it, especially around the police records, they had written things in a way that was different from how I remembered it, and when I went around and talked to other people about that, I was informed that police write down what gets a conviction, they don鈥檛 write down the truth. They鈥檙e going to write down what gets an arrest, so that鈥檚 why some of my memories differed. It was a different season in my life I guess, I don鈥檛 see myself as that person anymore. A lot of coming to terms with who I actually was, and where I am now. It gave me a really good perspective on why I鈥檓 sober, why I鈥檓 in a loving relationship with my wife, so in that way it gave me clarity.鈥�
But addictions aren鈥檛 kind to memory, and Thistle said there were gaps, especially surrounding the robbery which landed him in prison.
鈥淭here was like a year or two missing from my memory, just because of the nature of addiction. I wish I could remember more, but I wrote down what I could.鈥�
Now his job is a historian, and he鈥檚 researching M茅tis history. He admits that while he鈥檚 supposed to be objective as a historian, he said that he threw out objectivity and focused on his family history, who his people are and how they fit into the narrative of Canada.
鈥淲ith that real subjective type of research came a closeness and a real fire or drive to study more. I鈥檓 not reading about some historical figure, I鈥檓 reading about my kokum or mooshum, or my three-times great-grandfather signing a treaty, or the battle of Batoche and all my ancestors who fought there. It added a colour and a life to the history that actually gave me the edge over everyone else. They had that objectivity but they didn鈥檛 have that passion, where for me it鈥檚 all driven by that passion.鈥�
One of the things Thistle discovered was that he spoke Michif as a small child, but is unable to anymore, and he said it鈥檚 not just a loss for him personally.
鈥淚t鈥檚 excruciating because there aren鈥檛 too many Michif speakers anymore. It was a very special time period and people in Canada鈥檚 history, and there is a part of me that hasn鈥檛 grieved that, and part of me will never fully grieve, because we were just choked out, and made extinct by the state. That was a conscious thing that they did to us. To be the last of your people, in a way, to be able to hold that cultural knowledge and then it鈥檚 gone, it鈥檚 fleeting, I don鈥檛 even have words to describe that. It would be like the last Canadian playing the last game of hockey and then forgetting how to play hockey. How do you put that into words? It鈥檚 just so sad and pitiful. What makes it even sadder is that in our area of Saskatchewan around P.A., we had our own specific dialect, and that鈥檚 virtually gone now. There are other Michif speakers, from around Yorkton there used to be a community around Winnipeg, but they鈥檙e not our Michif. To know that I spoke that breaks my heart.鈥�
There have been mixed reactions from Thistle鈥檚 family. His mother points to it when she comes across the book in a store, proudly telling people it was written by her son. His brother Josh has used it to help as he went through therapy, by showing his therapist to help with issues he hasn鈥檛 been able to vocalize, to help him heal from his own PTSD and addictions.
鈥淭o help contribute to my brother鈥檚 health like that, it鈥檚 the greatest gift I could have.鈥�
His 13 year-old niece has told him that he鈥檚 inspired her to write stories herself.
鈥淲hat鈥檚 kind of remarkable is that she believes she can be a writer because I鈥檓 a writer. As you know from my story, I couldn鈥檛 really read properly until I was in my 30鈥檚, and I definitely wasn鈥檛 proud of being Indigenous at her age. For her to have both of those things, it made the whole process worth it.鈥�
On the other hand, his brother Jerry, who Thistle said might be the hero of the book, doesn鈥檛 like that it鈥檚 out in the world and that his family history is there for people to see.
鈥淩eally, I think it鈥檚 sibling rivalry鈥� But that happens with families, right? Whenever you write a memoir, if you鈥檙e going to write one, know that it鈥檚 like throwing a bomb into your family living room on Christmas.鈥�
Now that the book is out there, Thistle admits that it鈥檚 strange to have it out in the world, and he hopes that people who read the book can understand what he wanted to say.
鈥淭hat鈥檚 a weird feeling, to trust people, to go through the emotions of your life. But it鈥檚 out there now, and I look at it like a piece of art, it doesn鈥檛 belong to me anymore. I鈥檓 not saying my work is like the Mona Lisa, but it鈥檚 like the Mona Lisa, Leonardo Da Vinci couldn鈥檛 come back and fix it, everybody would be 鈥榟ey, don鈥檛 fix that, this is ours now!鈥� That鈥檚 kind of what the story is taking on. I鈥檓 trusting you to digest the story and how I intended it to land,鈥� said Thistle.
He said that when he wrote the book, he didn鈥檛 think anyone would read it, because it is about a guy doing drugs on the streets. But since it has hope, and that it is also about that same guy finding love and trust, and salvation through education, he can understand why people want to read it. He also said that he鈥檚 surprised by how it has changed his life, and more importantly, dramatically changed how people perceive him.
鈥淚 think it鈥檚 strange, the same people who buy my book, some of them are the same people I would try to bum change off of in Ottawa, and they鈥檇 walk over top of me. Now they鈥檙e all crowding to hear my story. Literally, I had politicians I knew then step over me, and these are the same politicians that I go keynote speeches to and educate about Indigenous homelessness. If that鈥檚 not the Creator at work, I don鈥檛 know what is. Totally inverted the power there.鈥�
Thistle is writing his next book now, writing about his great uncle Ron, who was a professional bank robber in Toronto in the 1970鈥檚. He said that his life story is way more adventurous, but it鈥檒l be a fictionalized version of it.
鈥淗e was involved with some pretty heavy dudes and I don鈥檛 want to get in trouble with those guys!鈥�
They鈥檙e also currently in the process of making a miniseries based on From the Ashes, though he notes that they鈥檙e very early so it will be a long way away from filming.
